Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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