Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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