Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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