wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
