they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
