I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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