I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I cannot find my penis.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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