You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize