Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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