Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
