Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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