I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So squirting runs in the family.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize