I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
