Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
