my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dick very happy bro
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
