Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
