Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
