i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have post one night stand depression
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize