We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize