i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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