I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
