he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
