I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
