C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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