Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
