I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
