Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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