god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
