I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
