who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
