Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize