im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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