Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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