You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
