WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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