...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
