Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
dude. I can hear the air.
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