i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
