I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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