who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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