My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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