he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
someone owes me an orgasm
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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