I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
