im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
