17 year olds will be the death of me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
