yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
