I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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