pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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