He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
