He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Come on in and take your pants off
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