Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
