she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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