2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
