i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
