that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
