Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
time to smoke my breakfast
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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