Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
