just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
