Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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