Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize