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In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We are all done wearing pants today
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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