First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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