WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
