She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
