I puked a lego.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize