i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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