I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
